Au revoir
I’ve got it. I’ve sussed their little game. Admittedly it took me nearly two weeks but I’ve finally worked it out. Oh, they’re clever these ones are. Not your normal run of the mill in-laws. Rather than concentrate on the immediate effects that downright unreasonableness can get you, they’ve decided to go for the long haul and inflict psychological damage of the lasting kind. It’s very simple once you work it out. First they get you het up and worried about the thought of 4 extra people visiting a two bedroom flat and then they lull you into a sense of false security when they arrive by being all nice and helpful and fun to be around and then whoosh! They bugger off to their own homes as if they have nothing better to do with their lives than go back to work and to school and suchlike, leaving you with an apartment that’s too quiet and peaceful and empty and big by half.
Not only that but as a final parting blow N not only stripped all the beds they’d used and put the sheets and towels into the washer, deflated the airbed and left the front room and the bathroom cleaner than it was when they’d arrived (and I’d scrubbed both rooms from top to bottom), but she’d also gone to the shop before we woke up, made fresh coffee, washed the glasses from the night before (it had been a conversation till 5am sort of night) and had the effrontery to have bought me a present (and the sort of present that shows that they actually took the time to think of something that I’d like) to thank me for all my I’d done to look after
them and giving them a lovely holiday. The grateful, well-mannered downright loving sods. Don’t they have any idea of how to behave?
August 4th, 2006 at 1:45 am
A gift?? That showed actual THOUGHT?? And polite goody-two-shoes dish-washing?!?!
Don’t even get me started on the sheets and towels. It’s meant to be like a hotel, dammit. Left in a pile, usually in a puddle of water in the loo (because, of course, they can’t work a bloody shower curtain and keep the water IN the shower), dammit.
Disown them. Disown them NOW!!
August 4th, 2006 at 3:17 am
I know, I know . . . just had a friend staying for a few weeks - the house has never been cleaner. Vegetables prepared for the evening meal when I get home, everything dusted and vacuumed & a pressie for me when he left. What really makes me feel guilty is that he was supposed to be recovering from a hernia operation.
August 4th, 2006 at 11:18 am
send them my way, i could use some polite company.
August 5th, 2006 at 6:15 am
Babs. I’ll have to. There’s a time when you have to draw the line and stand up for yourself ye even unto in-laws. The washing of the sheets and towels was it.
Frobisher. Don’t feel guilty. I’m sure I read somewhere that it’s been proven that physical activity (ie housework) during convalescence actually speeds up the recovery process whereas doing housework when you’re fit and well is practically guarenteed to bring on depression.
Bering. If you really want a pleasant happy life, long langorous mealtimes and fresh coffee brewed every morning before you wake up then I’d be glad to. As an added plus they also arrive with bulging carrier bags full of French food as a gift (and what did they return to France with? jars of marmite, lemon curd and lime marmalade)
August 5th, 2006 at 7:09 am
Goddamnit, that ruins it for me! I was going to come visit you, but now I can’t as compared to them I will look like the worst house guest EVER. I just can’t come close to that. It’s like skating in the Olympics after Kristy Yamaguchi. Fuck.
(and there’s a marching band under my window. I don’t know why.)
August 5th, 2006 at 8:53 am
have you been leaving sheet music out at night again? I
Anyway as far as being the worst houseguest EVER I seem to recall some loose promise of blueberry pie being made…
August 5th, 2006 at 11:53 am
Offer still stands. What are you doing in September?
August 5th, 2006 at 1:59 pm
waiting for you to visit?
August 6th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
does this mean we can meet up sometime?
August 6th, 2006 at 2:18 pm
Would be nice. Mums up on Wednesday if her kitchen people are finished by then but apart from that my time’s my own.
August 7th, 2006 at 9:30 am
despicable. simply despicable. they obviously haven’t the slightest idea what all this good behavior doews to a hostess’ nerves.
Or maybe they DO.
August 7th, 2006 at 9:44 am
Worst houseguests EVER. clearly. Send them my way. We are short on space, but big on someone cleaning for us. And French food? I can offer Philadelphia cheesesteaks in exchange.
August 7th, 2006 at 3:31 pm
FN. I think you’re right. I think they knew exactly what they were doing with all this good behaviour stuff. I tell you - after a fortnight of them being so nice and kind and helpful my nerves are completely shot and I can’t even take it out on F.
Christine. They’re fine with no space. They bring their own airbed and they’d be fine with Philadelphia cheesesteaks, I gave them scot’s pie for lunch one day (what you can get away with under the auspice of “its traditional” is amazing). You’ll have to wait until Berings had them stay with him a while though as he asked first.